My blog! Whatever blog means! It's mine!

2010-04-19T10:10:00.006Z

I have not recieved enough questions in 2010! How can I keep my wisdom sharp without cutting through your questions? I have joined this thing, and I will answer your questions with it!

http://www.formspring.me/UniceCorn

Come on already! I am not getting any younger here!

2009-06-04T19:22:00.001Z

Greetings! As you know, I like to give advice to those not as wise as me!

This letter was slipped under the door as I recently spent some time locked in a bakery!

Dear Unice,

Kept hearing we need to stretch our dollars to get by today. I tried but none of them stretched, now I have ripped bills all over my table. What did I do wrong, and can I still use the split bills?

Thanks Unice,
Arkansas Traveler

Hello! Yes, it is possible to tape the money back together but you must match up the parts so you do not get arrested for passing 5-10s! HEEHEE! If you like you can send the pieces of money to me and I will magically heal them for you and return 25%!

I don't know what you did wrong, perhaps you are listening to people around you that say you need things you do not! When I was a little Unicorn I lived in the forest! I ate nuts and berries and pooped off the path! It was only after I became world-famous did I begin to live indoors and eat cake!

Having spent much time locked in a bakery with only cakes to eat I can tell you that gets old fast!

Much love to you!
Unice!

2009-05-30T09:04:00.000Z

There are not enough exciting movies for Unicorns to watch these days!

This is why I have not watched any movies since the Final Cut of Blade Runner! Did you see my restored scene? Harrison Ford dreams of me, baby! WOOF!

I think I might see the Wolverine man in his new movie. He is always angry and stabs things and I cannot understand how he keeps being in movies when Yoda is cool and collected except when he threw lightning at that smelly man who tried to kill him!

2009-05-28T09:40:00.003Z

I have joined the new thing called Twitter and you can follow me at http://twitter.com/unicetheonly! I wanted to use my name but there are women using my first name, and my full name! They are imposters, do not follow them! Also I believed MythicalMagicalBeast would be too difficult for the young twits to spell.

There are many people following me! I do not know them! It must be very exciting for them!

2009-05-20T10:06:00.002Z

I am very upset that the nice man on television who sang the Mad World songs with Queen and Kiss has not won the American Idol!

He can win the Unicorn Idol, baby! He can even bring his little friend who has won the title and all of the losers, I will not be mean! But everyone must sing In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida and all of my votes go to the boy with the nailpolish!

I wear nailpolish to achieve my striking blue eyes, you know! It is a secret! My sisters do not have the blue eyes because they do not know my secret!

2009-05-19T10:15:00.002Z

Ten years, baby!

Yoda should make more movies! I liked that last one he was in where he had "relations" with the Wookiees! It made me jealous of Wookiees, and you know I never really knew what the big deal with Wookiees was but the lucky bastards got to give Yoda rides!

2009-04-19T10:01:00.000Z

It is my birthday!

I am now the big 3-0 and will no longer tell you people how old I am!

I will still let you know when it is my birthday!

2009-01-28T09:55:00.000Z

Greetings! It has been a long time since I have blogged here on my blog! I am glad it was not taken over by spamming scum!

I am now back from my fifteenth tour of the Middle Eastern nations and cannot talk about what I did there. I did not lose any parts but it was very rainy and my hair did not hold a curl. The many people who are there are very brave to stay there. Much like Malibu!

Also I did not win the presidency of the United States again but this time I like the nice man who is doing the job. I attended the inauguration event but cannot be seen because I was sitting directly behind the hat of Aretha Franklin! It was very sparkly and I wanted it but she would not give it to me!

2003-07-29T23:35:00.000Z

I am very sad.

Mr. Braunn from Iron Butterfly has died. In-a-gadda-da-vida is my favorite song. Someday I hope that Sting records it. Perhaps now there will be an Iron Butterfly tribute album! I can play on it! I do the drum solo on my stapler!

Also Mr. Hope. I toured with him! He was much fun! Except when I was struck with a golf ball to the head! I should have kept that golf ball!

Much love to you!

2003-06-09T00:42:00.000Z

What an exciting weekend I have had!

I am very happy that Yoda won the award for his fighting skills! Take that, chosen boy! HEEHEE! I see that skinny white boy was not nominated for his fight! None of Yoda's parts were cut off! I am very happy but also I am puzzled why Yoda represented for Dagobah. Does he have television back home? I wanted to toss my underwear onto the stage but Nelly was in my way!

Yesterday I braved the rain to watch the Belmont horse race! The newswoman thought I was a horse! Stupid newswoman! I poked her with my horn! I said "feel this, biotch!" and then I was arrested! I was very sad I did not get to see the race but I caught the news later! The horse that won had a tacky color scheme! I would never wear aqua with pink!

I am off to catch the Tonys now, perhaps the Hugh Jack man will look my way and I can toss my underwear to him! I hope Nelly is not there!

Much love to you!

2003-06-04T04:29:00.000Z

I HAVE JUST RETURNED FROM FREE ICED COFFEE DAY!

HEEHEEHEE!

I AM SO HAPPY! I HAVE DRANK MUCH ICED COFFEE!

I WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN!

HEY HEY HEY COLUMBIAN BEAN PICKING PAPA!

2003-05-29T10:04:00.000Z

I am very upset!

I wanted to get a Yoda credit card for my birthday, but I was told I have no credit record!

I just wanted the Yoda card!

I would not buy myself jewels with it!

I would not buy a sidecar for my hog with it!

I just wanted the Yoda card!

2003-03-26T23:51:00.000Z

Hello!

I have returned from the Oscars! I am so happy! I met many big stars! Nicole Kidman is very big! I saw she was wearing very nice shoes! I said to her "Hello! I am Unice! I liked Moulin Rouge very much! How is Ewan! HEEHEEHEE!" But she did not hear me! So many stars were around that I was not heard!

I climbed up to Sean Connery's table and I said to him, "Hello! Much love to you! Would you like me to give you something extra for your gift bag? HEEHEEHEE!" But his wife was there. So I gave them garlic lollipops! I carry them with me for emergencies! They are very good!

I do not want to talk about the war! I am very happy my days in the armed forces are over! I do not like sand! Or bombs! Much love to the soldiers! I will find out if Bob Hope will be traveling to Kuwait and I will go with him to dance! I'll bring my pasties, baby! HEEHEEHEE!

My birthday is coming soon!

Much love to you!

2003-02-18T21:15:00.000Z

I AM IN A SNOWDRIFT! HELP!

HEEHEEHEE!

Look for the horn, baby!

2003-02-15T02:41:00.000Z

Hello!

Happy Valentine's Day to you!

I hope that you do not get killed in nasty ways like St. Valentine! Also that you are not in jail too! HEEHEEHEE!

I must go, I have many dates!

Much love to you!

2003-01-09T07:26:00.000Z

Hello!

I am working on my web page! I want to put it back! Geocities took it away but I will come back!

It will be better than it looks, I am working on it! Be patient!

2002-07-13T00:47:00.000Z

I SEEK YODA!

U SEEK YODA!

EVERYONE MUST SEEK YODA!

Yoda, I am a SWU! MEDITATE ON ME BABY! HEEHEEHEE!

Much love to you!

2002-05-21T05:47:00.000Z

HELLO!

I am so happy! I have seen the new Yoda movie! I had a religious experience when that hot green stud came through the door and saved the dumb humans!

HEEHEEHEE! YODA IS MY HERO! He can use his lightsaber on me anytime!

Much love to you!

2002-04-14T08:35:00.000Z

I am making preparations to line up for the second Star Wars movie! I hope that Yoda is at this premiere! He stood me up the last time! I wrote to him and said "Yoda! I love you! Please meet me at the premiere!" but he did not! I wonder why?

Much love to you!

2002-04-10T17:53:00.000Z

Hello! I was arrested for standing under kilts last Saturday at the Tartan Day Parade! I had so much fun! The police were very nice to me after I told them my horn is not a weapon! HEEHEE!

I am not sure who I saw at the parade, there were so many kilts! Sir Ian McKellen was there so I ran towards any Tartans I did not recognize crying "Gandalf! Mr. Jimmy! Magneto! Come with me and together we will go about the land in a Ford van!" I do not know why he did not answer me!

I was also trodden on by 007! It was much fun!

Much love to you!

2002-04-01T06:29:00.000Z

HEEHEEHEE! It was my birthday! I am happy! I have partied! I got many presents and cards and JEWELS! HEEHEEHEE!
No one ever gets me a card! I wonder what this means? I was almost melted from the candles! They are trying to kill me!

My ad banner is asking me if I need a hand! HEEHEEHEE!

Greg the Bunny is wasted on that show! Those humans are such bad actors! Greg is HOT!

Much love to you!

2002-03-24T22:19:00.000Z

Hello! Today is the anniversary of my E-mail Friend and the Man Who Calls Me a Goat! I am off to the Kodak theatre to collect Sting, then we are off to their house to party! HEEHEEHEE! They will be so surprised when we show up! Perhaps also Yoda will be at the Academy Awards, I would like to rub elbows with him! HEEHEEHEE!

Much love to you!

I am very unhappy also because Geocities has taken down my glorious webpage! The BASTRADS! I will make sure that I put up my page somewhere else where they will not take away my page. I am very angry. I need to open a can of whoopass! I hope that Sting will not be afraid of me now that I am IN MY FURY!

No love to geocities!

2002-03-17T03:06:00.000Z

Hello! This is my blog! I will write more when I have time! I am very busy!

I have just returned from Salt Lake City, where I won many Gold medals! They are heavy! The airport men stopped me because they did not think I could win so many Gold medals, so I showed them! I am very good at skating! I have my own skates! The airport man said I could not take my skates with me, so I had to hitchhike home! It was sad but many people were happy to meet me!

I am now partying for the holiday! Just call me Uni O'Corn! HEEHEEHEE!

Much love to you!