23.9.10

dear ms. corn I have had a string of bad luck lately...I was walking my dog the other week, and it chased a rabid racoon out of a bush, and I got bitten. Then, as I was getting what I thought were rabies shots, I realized, I made a wrong turn, and I was in the methadone clinic, and I was getting thirty shots of methadone in the stomach, so now I'm a methadone addict, I still have rabies, my hair is falling out, and I think I passed a kidney this morning...not a kidney stone, a kidney...Am I hexed? Can I do anything? Help me please!

Lucky George

Dear Mr. Lucky:

Have you considered preparing a kidney dinner for your dog? Mixed with some garlic it would be very tasty and I am sure the methadone contained in the kidney you passed will keep little fido or fifi from chasing after wild animals! I have looked at my cards, consulted my many oracles, and have found that you are not hexed, merely doomed! Did you catch the raccoon? If so, you can fashion a hat out of it to cover your hair loss! Would you like a few patterns? Have a nice day, or rather, have a nice life! And remember -- Give me Librium or give me Meth!

Unice!